Father’s Day: Joy, Grief, Guilt, and a Lot of Socks
By Mary Keogh, Registered Psychotherapist
It’s that time of year again. We are just over Mother’s Day and next up on the agenda is another holiday that can stir up all kinds of feelings: Father’s Day. For some people, it’s a day of barbecues, dad jokes, and those suspiciously enthusiastic "World’s Best Dad" mugs. For others, it’s... complicated. Let’s dig deeper…….
The Highs: BBQs and eye rolling Dad jokes…..
Let’s start with the good stuff. Some people genuinely like Father’s Day. If you’ve got a great dad—or you are one—it can be a perfect time to connect. Maybe you’re firing up the BBQ together, or bonding over shared hobbies like woodworking or yelling at televised sports (hello Maple Leaf fans :-)) though the Blue Jay’s did give us some fun last year :-).
There’s something beautiful about celebrating fatherhood when it’s been a source of love, laughter, and questionable facial hair decisions. We love those dads. Those dads deserve all the new socks and mugs they desire.
And if you’re a dad, who’s just trying your best, trying to be present, trying to remember which kid is allergic to what—good on you. Really.
The Lows: Grief, Estrangement, and “Oh... This Again?”
Now, let’s take a little detour to some people’s reality. Not everyone has that sitcom-dad relationship. Some people have lost their fathers and are grieving. Some are estranged. Some have complicated, confusing histories that don’t fit into a Hallmark card. And then there are those who wanted to be fathers but aren’t, for any number of painful reasons.
On Father’s Day, all of that can come up and cause immense pain.
The memories. The silence. The what ifs. Facebook posts that feel like a punch to the gut.
It’s okay to feel messy about this day. I give you full permission to celebrate it, ignore it, hate it, or scream into a throw pillow. You’re not broken. You’re human.
The Weird Middle Ground
Then there’s the middle ground, which is just... awkward. Maybe your dad was okay, but you feel guilty for not feeling more for him. Or maybe you’re a dad yourself now, and you’re trying to figure out how to do better than your dad did, while still appreciating the fact that hey, the guy did teach you how to change a tire.
Sometimes we don’t know how to feel. Sometimes we feel all the things at once. Welcome to human condition, my friend.
Some Tips
Below are some of my favourite tips for Father’s Day. If any fit, feel free to use.
Permission to Feel
Opt Out If You Want
Create Your Own Rituals
Humor Helps
In Conclusion
Father’s Day is a holiday like any other: it comes with expectations, emotions, and sometimes dashed hopes. Whether you celebrate, mourn, rage, or completely ignore it, remember that you’re not alone. We’re all just trying to navigate this life thing, one complicated emotion at a time.
So go easy on yourself. And if you’re feeling a little extra tender this weekend, maybe skip the tool aisle at Home Depot.
Want to know more about how Psychotherapy can assist you?
If any of what I have said in this blog resonates with you, please know that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for support. If you have been thinking about therapy or are simply looking for a safe place to talk and be heard, I would welcome the opportunity to support you. I am here.
About the Author
Mary Keogh is a Registered Psychotherapist who practices at the Adelaide Health Clinic. She sees individuals aged 18 and older in her practice. Mary specializes in helping individuals manage stress, emotional challenges, complicated relationships (romantic, workplace, friendships or family of origin) and difficult life transitions, particularly in women’s health.
Want to know how therapy can support your mental well-being?
Book a 15-minute complimentary consultation with Mary Keogh and start the conversation on how she can support you today.
680