Keeping Healthy Boundaries at the Holiday Season

Healthy View

Written by: Mary Keogh, Registered Psychotherapist, Adelaide Health Clinic

As the holiday season rolls around, we all ride the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it. One minute you’re filled with the joy of twinkling lights and gingerbread cookies, and the next, you’re dodging awkward family questions like it’s an Olympic sport. Let’s talk about keeping those oh-so important boundaries intact - because no one wants to end up in a therapy session after a holiday dinner! 

But first, what are boundaries? 

Boundaries can be physical - like needing that comfy chair space all to yourself during holiday family gift-giving time, or emotional, like saying, ‘Hey, Aunt Noreen, I am not ready to chat about the fact I am still single, but thanks for asking!’. They can also be relational, like deciding how often you want to be with family members who always seem to bring a rain cloud with them - you know the type! Boundaries can be one of the hardest things to enforce, I speak from experience!  

The benefits of clear boundaries 

Having clear boundaries is like giving everyone a map to your comfort zone. It helps you communicate what you need, and it helps others understand where you stand. For example, if you need some ‘me time’ from socializing over the holidays, a boundary could be as simple as saying ‘I’m going to take a break from socializing that day, but I’ll join you the next day’. Boom! Boundaries are not just for fences; they’re your emotional safety net.  

How can therapy assist with boundaries? 

The topic of boundaries is one of the most popular that I see in my therapy space. Rest assured you are not alone in learning to say ‘no’ to others so you can say ‘yes’ to yourself, and holiday time seems to be when boundary setting is extra important! Think of therapy and boundaries as your personal training space for emotional self-defense. Just like you wouldn’t step into a boxing ring without a coach you don’t want to dive into boundary setting without a little support, guidance, and practice. Therapy can give you a safe space to explore why you struggle with boundaries in the first place. Maybe you grew up in a family where saying ‘no’ was treated as a crime against humanity, or perhaps you are a chronic people-pleaser who thinks your self-worth is tied to how much you bend over backward for others (enter the younger me!). 

I often help clients practice setting boundaries in a way that feels comfortable for them. It’s like practicing for a school play but you are learning to say ‘Hey, I need some space’, or ‘No, that does not work for me’ without feeling like you just dropped a bombshell at holiday dinner! I also assist clients in finding the words that suit them and them alone - or as I like to say finding their voice.  

As a therapist, I can be your cheerleader or coach, helping you brainstorm strategies for those awkward moments when someone tries to cross your line.  

What is the timeline for learning good boundaries? 

Knowing you need boundaries is one thing, but actually putting them into practice is a whole other thing!  The expression ‘practice makes perfect’ is certainly true here.  I always encourage being kind, compassionate and patient with yourself. At the beginning, setting boundaries will feel awkward and uncomfortable as it’s a new way of showing up, but you can do it! 

Can I practice boundary setting at home? 

I’m glad you asked! Yes, you can. Some people practice at home in front of the mirror saying the words. Trust me, it works! Sometimes it’s easier to start setting boundaries with one person until we get comfortable (think spouse or partner!). 

I did it through endless practice, giving myself grace to mess up, getting myself up again, dusting myself off when I failed and trying again (and again). While saying no to others is hard, the freedom you get from saying yes to self is so liberating and empowering that it’s worth it.  

So, as we dive into this holiday season, remember it’s all about balance. Enjoy the festivities, but don’t forget to protect your peace. Because let’s face it, no one wants to start the new year with your own personal version of Family Feud! 

Happy boundary setting!
 

About the Author

Mary Keogh is a Registered Psychotherapist who practices at the Adelaide Health Clinic. She sees individuals aged 18 and older in her practice.  

Through therapy, clients can achieve positive changes re: negative thought patterns and core beliefs, capacity to express and regulate emotions, transformations in behaviour patterns, positive shifts in relationship dynamics, healing and peaceable reconciliation of past memories and experiences (as far back as childhood), positive shifts in self-perception, self-esteem, and how one relates to self and others. 

Want to know more about how psychotherapy can assist your mental health?

Book a 15-minute complimentary consultation with Mary Keogh and let's get you thriving through the holiday season and beyond!